Abandoned, Devalued, Controlled: Naming the Wound That Runs Your Life — with JJ Flizanes

Why do we keep getting triggered by the same thing, over and over, no matter how much therapy or self-help we try? In this episode, Rose sits down with JJ Flizanes — transformational empowerment strategist, best-selling author, and creator of the Empowering Minds Network — to unpack the Core Wound Map, a framework built from Imago Relationship Therapy that identifies the top three wounds and beliefs quietly running your life. JJ and Rose talk about why talk therapy alone often isn't enough, how core wounds like abandonment, devaluation, and control show up in relationships and self-sabotage, the link between chronic pain and repressed emotion, how astrology can be used as a mirror for understanding yourself and the people you love, and why so many women stop themselves right at the edge of investing in their own transformation. This is a conversation about trading guesswork for a map — and finally understanding what you're actually trying to heal.

In this episode:

• What a Core Wound Map is and why identifying your wounds comes before healing work, not after
• The five most common core wounds: abandonment, devalued, controlled, ignored, smothered
• Why anger is almost always a mask for sadness or fear
• The difference between "what happened to me" and "what's happening for me" — and why that shift changes everything
• How chronic pain (like back pain) can be a signal of repressed emotion, not just a physical issue
• Astrology as a tool for understanding yourself and the people closest to you
• The four limiting beliefs (from Gay Hendricks' The Big Leap) that keep women capping their own success
• Why so many women won't invest in themselves — and what that reveals about self-worth
• JJ's Rewire program, Date Your Body, and Healing the Mother Wound retreat

About JJ Flizanes: JJ Flizanes is a transformational empowerment strategist, best-selling author, and creator of the Empowering Minds Network. Drawing on Imago Relationship Therapy, astrology, and mindset work, she helps people identify and rewire the core wound patterns that keep them stuck — in relationships, in self-worth, and in their ability to receive success. Learn more at jjflizanes.com.

Topics covered: Core wounds, Imago Relationship Therapy, self-sabotage, limiting beliefs, mindset shifts, astrology and self-understanding, manifestation, chronic pain and repressed emotion, self-worth, women in transition, Empress archetype

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Produced by Rose Wippich | Chat Off The Mat Podcast

© 2026 Rose Wippich

Transcript

Welcome And The Big Question

Rose 0:00

What if the single biggest barrier between you and the life you want isn't the world, but your internal beliefs, emotional blocks, and the stories you tell yourself? Today, JJ Flazaines will reveal how you can take back your power, shift your reality, and consciously create a life that feels expansive, joyful, and deeply aligned. I'm your host, Rose Whippich. This is where we explore energy, empowerment, and what it means to embody your Empress energy. Today I'm welcoming JJ Fosanes, a transformational empowerment strategist, best-selling author, and creator of the Empowering Minds Network. JJ has spent decades helping people break through emotional blocks, identify self-sabotaging patterns, and claim the power they truly have to create the life they desire. She teaches you that you are the creator of your own reality and that transformation begins not with external circumstances, but with how we choose to think, feel, and respond. Welcome, JJ. Thank you very much. All right, I'm so excited. Uh so we're gonna start off by uh I'm gonna ask you a question. You know, obviously, this is an uh podcast. Before I ask you what tell us about yourself, I want to ask you what's the conversation that you're most passionate about having right now with people, with audiences?

Core Wounds And The Missing Map

JJ 1:41

Yeah, um, core wounds. My I just finished the book. I pitched it to a publisher, I've got an agent shopping it around town. I just got inspired to do another podcast uh while I was at PodFest, which about core wounds, because no one's done it. And it's really to me the most important thing. If you don't know what your wounds are, if you do not know what your beliefs are, if you do not know the top three core wounds and beliefs that rule your life, then you have no idea when you're going into healing what you're trying to heal. Like you, it's it's going, it's like taking a drive somewhere and having no map. You have no map. So you're gonna guess. How you're gonna guess? I don't know, you're gonna go, well, I'm going east, I'm going west. I kind of think I'm going this direction, but how would you know? So to me, and I've created something called a core wound map that was an extraction of data from. So I don't know if anyone's heard of Harvel Hendricks and Helma Kelly Hunt. They've created a therapy called Imago. It's one of the best, to me, it's hands down the best relationship therapy. Period. End of story. And uh, and so in that therapy, there is a core wound exercise. And Harville and Helen did the forward for my book. I've gotten full support. They know that I've built literally an entire business around one exercise in their therapy. Because when I did it, I said to the therapist, why isn't every single person who goes to therapy doing this before they get into therapy? And she just sort of looked at me and she wasn't a true Imago therapist. She used it, but she didn't, she wasn't Imago specific. She just used it as a tool, as I do as well. But to me, it's just the most important thing. I think if people understood what their wounds were, then they could make life better and they could do make choices about their healing or about their education or about their experiences or about how they stretch or grow themselves in a more informed way that would have better results. And people wouldn't spend five, 10, 15 years in therapy and wonder why they get triggered by the same thing.

Rose 3:33

Right. Well, you know, this whole thing about wounds, I mean, in the past couple of years, you're hearing more and more about it. You know, growing up, we didn't really talk about what our wounds were, but now that we're experiencing all these things and things are triggering us, it's like, okay, why? Right? So tell us a little bit more about this therapy. I know it's

Imago Therapy And Relationship Mirrors

Rose 3:49

really it's for relationships, right?

JJ 3:50

Uh well, it's it was a it was meant for therapists for, I'm sorry, for relationships. Harvel created it because he was a therapist and he was working with people one-on-one. And then uh, you know, they uh I think it's been around for 30 or 35 years, the therapy, and many therapists around the country and beyond are doing it with their clients. And it is a very effective kind of therapy. Imago says it's Imago means in the image of. So the core, core, the uh the bottom line of the therapy is that you choose your partners to heal the wounds of your past. And I would go as far as to say you choose every life experience to heal the wounds of your past. But when we look at, like, did I make a mistake? Is this the wrong person? They're not doing what I want them to do. They're not quote unquote making me happy. It takes, it takes the stigma off of someone's broken and someone's not, or someone did something wrong. You chose each other. It's subconscious. There's a reason. And when you understand that reason and you can work with that reason and you can work with each other on healing those wounds, that to Harvel and Helen, you heal the most in relationship. And I would agree with that. I don't agree that you have to be in a relationship to heal. You don't. But their point of view is that the best healing, the most complete healing is going to happen in relationship. And the reason is because you're getting a mirror. Someone's reflecting back to you at all times your wounds and your beliefs and your habits and patterns. And so being able to deal with that, and they have a lot of tools. And the therapy is supposed to be the first 12 weeks. You sign an agreement that says you won't split up in the first 12 weeks because there's literally like an exercise. And people can buy the workbook. It's called Getting the Love That You Want. You can buy the workbook. All the exercises are in there. And I don't know that I did all 12 of them with my first husband, ex-husband. I don't have a husband yet, but I'm going to be having another one. Um, so um, I don't think we did it, but it didn't matter because I was supposed to get into that therapy to have the life-changing moment that I had when I by myself did the core wound exercise and saw the pattern that I had repeated my entire life and how far it went back and why. When I understood that, because Sagittarius, so astrologically, I have a Sagittarius moon. Moon is how you deal with emotion. So for Sag is truth seeking. So when I understand or see a truth, I can't unsee it, which means that's the biggest catalyst to change my behavior, is my awareness of a truth. So now I have a new truth which changed my behavior. And then I went for the last, I mean, it's been eight years that I've been working with people with this exercise. And over the eight years, I have noticed that not everyone responds the same way I did. So I've learned through the years and working with people how to extract certain data from the exercise to help people rewire their core wound patterns. So that's kind of my specialty. I help rewire core wound patterns. And but the identification piece, the core wound map, to me is just gold because there's never a question of why that bother me? Why am I reacting this way? Why what's going on with me? Why can't I stop this pattern? It's literally going to tell you. And it's going to tell you what to do about it, which is again sort of where I come, like in the well, what do I do about it? Okay, great. Here's what it is. Now what do I do about it?

Rose 7:02

So, so this process helps you identify what these wounds are. What are some of the most common wounds that people have?

JJ 7:08

Abandonment, devalued, controlled, ignored, smothered. I would say those are some of the top ones.

Rose 7:18

So now

JJ’s Story From Arts To Science

Rose 7:19

let's go back. Let's tell us a little bit more about yourself now that we know like what you're passionate about, what you love talking about, and helping people with. Tell us a little bit more about JJ.

JJ 7:28

Started out wanting to be everything in life. Thought I want to be the lawyer, I want to be a judge, I want to be all the things. And so I thought, well, I'm gonna be an actress so I can be all the things. And uh and so and also was a very right-brained kid, uh, singing, dancing, acting. So I did all that, went to college, musical theater, noticed, started to notice that I also had a certain part of my brain, didn't think I was very smart, actually, didn't think I was book smart because I wasn't, I didn't, not that I didn't think I was smart, I think I was stupid. I just didn't think I was highly intelligent because I wasn't the kid that got straight A's in science and math. Uh, I was more towards the languages and the arts and things like that, social, you know, social studies and history and uh things that had story to it. So then fast forward now I'm in New York City, I'm I am work, I'm acting and I'm also working out as a personal trainer. And when I started to learn the science of personal training is when my right left brain kind of opened up and I went, Oh, I'm good at this. Like, oh, I understand science. The difference was I could see science in the body versus the sciences in math and science, like in school, it was so like beneath the surface that it wasn't as easy to see the chemical and mechanical properties of what happens when science is happening. Like, you know, for let's just say in a personal training situation, there there are many different aspects of what happens when you go to lift something up. So muscle contraction. So if I'm gonna go pick something up like this pencil, there are a lot of chemical and mechanical reactions from the brain before the muscle fires to pick up this pencil. And there was a really cool CD ROM at the time that had it was that was back when that was a new thing. Uh, it was called Atom, the company, and it stood for something. And they made it mechanical. They took this very complex system of uh neurology, if you will, and neuro and uh exercise physiology, and they colored it and they gave it shapes and they gave it, you know, motion, and all of a sudden it made it really easy to understand science in a different way. And so I became aware that my left brain was good, like under certain circumstances. And so then throughout my life, I kind of bounced back with the creative part and then the need to like problem solve or create something. So fast forward, I moved to California and I'm a personal trainer and I'm an actress and I'm acting and I'm personal training. And somewhere along the way, I started a business, but I've always been interested in people's behavior because, of course, as I noticed as a trainer, people would work out for different reasons. I had a husband and a wife. Well, I trained the wife. The husband was with a different trainer, a guy, and the wife was training with me. And I would notice that she didn't actually really want to be there. Like she liked me and everything, but she was only doing it because her husband kind of made her. And I hated that. I was like, oh my God. I hate everything about that. Uh, because you haven't figured out why to do it for yourself. It's cool that he's paying for it, but if he's forcing you to do it, and if it's based on how you look, like I really don't like that at all. Or other people, and I would just, you know, how their commitment to their health care, their their self, uh, how they took care of themselves, their self-care. That was always always very interesting to me. And I've been studying astrology since I was 21. So put all that together, and of course, acting is about human behavior because when you become a character, you put your your circumstances aside and you say, Who is this person that I'm I'm allowing to sort of come through my physical body and be amused for? What is about this person? Where do they live? How do they act? What do they feel about themselves? So, again, psychology's always been at the root of everything I've been interested in. And

Emotional Roots Of Chronic Pain

JJ 10:56

when I was a trainer and I saw there were things I couldn't solve with some with certain sciences, with physical sciences, like back pain. Well, back pain, mostly, especially chronic back pain, is repressed anger. Period. End of story. I don't care how many surgeries you have. You can have seven surgeries and still come out and have back pain. Uh, because until you deal with the root cause of the back pain, again, this is chronic. If physical things help, like I pulled my back for the first time ever two weeks ago. It was absolutely a physical thing. Not that I'm saying I'm not stressed out and have some anger, but all the physical things I did, chiropractic, uh, did I do massage? I did some exercise. I just rested. Anyway, it's better now. It's not chronic. I had an injury, right? But if someone even has an injury and then the pain never goes away, or the physical therapies and the and the acupunctures and the draw, whatever. If if you do a million things and nothing changes it, then it's probably not a physical problem. It was probably just a catalyst. The trigger was the the injury, if you will, but then there was actually something underneath that. So that led me to ask those questions about well, what else what other things play a role in our healing, in our because I had a high-level manager who hired me to help him with his back. And he was a very angry guy. And when I gave him the book, he kind of rejected the idea that he thought the book said it was in his mind. No, it's not in your mind. You actually have the pain. In fact, I work with people now, I go real deep, even with, let's say, plant medicine. I do plant medicine journeys with people who need that assistance to have a near-death experience, to have an emotional breakthrough, to really change the brain's patterns as quickly as you possibly can, in the most sort of it's not, it can be very gentle, but it's but hopefully like to break and crack somebody open. Like that's kind of why I do it. And I did so I know a lot more now than I did then, but I've had someone recently come in who's had a lot of sexual trauma and she's kind of in her head, and and her body would not allow her to feel her feelings, and so she threw up instead. She purged in a different way. The body will protect itself, but the pain is real. It's just saying that the body's saying this physical pain is easier than the emotional pain. And so being able to tell like where somebody is on their journey and how they can embody them, embody themselves a little bit more deeply and a little more fully so they can allow themselves to break open and uh relax and release all the trauma and pain they've had over their lives. So, so I've just been enjoying taking everything I've learned in my marriage, which I was trying to save through my podcast. I was trying to do two things. One, bring on people that would say the things I already knew that he wouldn't listen to me about, hoping that he would listen to it from somebody else, which did work for a certain amount of time. And to bring on, of course, people that could help me learn more, do more, understand more about what I was dealing with so that I could use the tools. Because to me, everything's fixable. It could be fixable if you want to. He didn't want to. So, um, so and at the end of the day, I gave it my all. I did, you know, I tried the hardest I could. I changed as much as I could. I want to understand it from a place of responsibility, not blame, which is why MAGO therapy comes into play. Because, you know, when you go into sometimes a traditional talk therapist, which I'm totally not a fan of at all. I actually even did a 90-minute talk called Three Reasons Why Talk Therapy is ineffective. It's on my website because over years of doing this, I'd have someone come to me after hearing me on the podcast. They'd sign up for two sessions, which I don't really do that anymore, but they'd sign up for the two sessions. And by the end of the two sessions, they're like, oh my God, this has changed my life. I got more out of these two sessions than I did out of five years of therapy. And it happened so often, Rose, that I had to claim it. I know therapists hate it and they think it's super disrespectful, but the reality of it is talk traditional talk therapy is not supportive of someone actually learning how to be happy or taking responsibility for what they contribute to the situation. So, and it just happened over and over again. So I wanted to make sure that my partner knew that this particular therapy was not about saying there was something wrong with him. It was that we chose each other. We chose each other for a reason. It's an even playing ground. There's no one to blame here. We chose each other. So now what? And then that, of course, led to me doing the core one exercise and then doing the deep dive on myself, and then me creating products and programs to help others do the same.

Rose 15:40

Totally agree with you. Uh, emotions defin definitely directly map to pain in the body. It's just that and and it's always uh and it's masked by by doctors. Here's the pill to get rid of the pain, but you're not really getting down to that core wound, just like you say. I know you you you also uh talk a lot about you do talks a lot about mindset uh mindset shifts and changes, right? And that goes back down to that, I guess maybe not just core wound, but core beliefs about ourselves. Can you talk a little bit about that? Like, how do you work with people like you know, changing the way you feel about yourself, self-limiting beliefs, those patterns that keep us stuck?

JJ 16:20

Right. So I think I I try

Anger As A Cover For Grief

JJ 16:22

to teach compassion. In fact, we just had our second call, group call last night for the rewiring your core wound patterns for 2026. And one of my clients, she she did a lot of programs with me last year, and her brother recently died, and her sister-in-law was someone who she didn't really get along with her, and and and seemingly like she caused some problems, and all the family felt the same way. And of course, so it's easy to blame that person and make them the reason why you think things are the way they are. And I said, after she said she was angry and she was sad, I said, I really think you're just angry, I you're just sad. Because here's what I tell everybody anger is anger is not the reality of the of what's going on with you. Someone uses anger to block feeling sadness or fear. What's underneath anger always is sadness or fear. The reason why we stay at anger is because it feels empowering. We feel like we have control. The reason we don't want to go into fear and and sadness is because we feel out of control. Most people don't know how to allow themselves to feel out of control because they think their nervous system says it's not safe. If it's if I feel out of control, I'm susceptible. Men might say, you could, you know, there's the the caveman brain of I, you could overtake me, you could kill me, I might die if I lose control. And and women think, well, you're gonna judge me, or I'm not lovable, or I'm gonna be too much, or whatever the beliefs are there. So for me, when I said to her, you're you're kind of stuck in the victim position. You want to blame her, and there's nothing you can do about her, like literally. And so I use her as the catalyst to see what is it that you want from the situation moving forward, and it's to be connected more with her family that is alive, the rest of them. And I said, Great, well, let her be the catalyst for that instead of being stuck in a story that you're never going to win because you can't do anything about her. We're talking about the past, it's over. What is this for? And in fact, another girl in the group who also did many programs last year fired her therapist recently. She was working with her kind of part-time after like joining my groups, but she had had this issue with her mom. She lives with her mom and her husband, and uh, and her mom, it's not, it's been very hard for her. And she came to a group call last year, and I guess she'd already had a therapy session with people, with the with a client, with a therapist, sorry. And the and then she brought the same thing to me. Well, she slept on it, and the next day she woke up and said, Okay, fired my therapist because my therapist focused on what happened to me, and JJ focused on what's happening for me. And that shift right there from victim to I'm responsible for every single thing, whether you think it's logical or not, that I attract into my life, because from that vantage point, you can do something about it. That's not to say be have guilt or shame or blame. This is just saying I accept this is what I've attracted or been involved in, whether it be consciously, subconsciously, or before I even incarnated in this lifetime, that I set this up as a contract in this lifetime. My ex-husband was 100% a very needed soulmate to teach me the things I know now to help other people. Without him, I would not have done the work. I would have not have peeled back the layers, I would have not been so adamant, so determined, so focused on learning everything I possibly could to save my marriage. So it had its place and it's done. It was a contract and now it's over. So when we look at mindset for me in my in this program, in the Rewire program or in any of the podcasts or any things that I do, yeah, it's a combination of if you don't know your core wounds, that's fine. But there are different frameworks that I teach that could help you understand why you believe what you believe, why you think the way you do, why you're afraid. So things like astrology, which I've already mentioned, or uh there's uh Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor wrote a book called Whole Brain Living. So whole brain living kind of goes over four characters of your four parts of your brain. And so we do sometimes use that as well. Um, obviously, core wounds are one of them. Birth order could be one of them, sexual orientation could be one of them, uh, socioeconomic things obviously are one of them. So we have many factors that influence our interpretations, and I teach as many of them as I can in six or nine months to a group of people so that way they can really get a broader point of view about themselves and their lives. In fact, one woman last year in the rewire, she would have never in a million years chosen to work with me. She had been depressed for 20, 30 years, had been in therapy for 20 years, been on antidepressant medication for 20 years. And when I met her at an event, I basically, you know, pinpointed that she had never worked on her wounds and that she didn't take responsibility for her situation. Like she had had cancer, she'd had like all these different things. And uh and it and then she came to my live event, which was like a couple weeks after when I met her, and then she signed up for the rewire. And two medicine journeys plus six months. No, she did nine months, nine months in my rewire. Someone who was at that same event with us re-met her again at my live event and literally said, Oh my god, you are like a completely different person. Like that she now is bright, she understands astrology. Actually really helped her to accept parts of her that she judged that she thought was broken or wrong or bad or something that was less than. And so, you know, when it comes to mindset, it's not a one size fits all. It's what kind of information do I need to understand or learn that's gonna change the way I look at something.

Rose 21:53

Okay, so we need to talk about a little bit about astrology. And you say that's one of the tools that you use, right? How do you use it? How how do you use astrology? And let me ask you, what is your sign? Because I I love astrology, but I don't know it as probably as well as you do. But your sign?

JJ 22:08

I'm a Pisces. Uh my moon is in Saj, my rising is in Sag. And then I can rattle off all the other planets if it meant something to you, but it probably doesn't, right?

Rose 22:18

No, no, I I understand that to that extent. I was just curious that makes you that empathic, wanting to help people, uh nurturing um personality. What's your sign? I'm an Aquarian. My birthday is next next Tuesday. Oh, happy birthday. Thank you. We're we're in uh I have a moon and Pisces and rising king. Cancer.

Astrology As A Compassion Tool

Rose 22:34

So I understand that nurturing and that being someone who wants to help and helps others as well. So I'm actually the same in that field. But um so when a person does uh understand astrology, it can help them understand who they are, right? How they how they manage things in their life. Uh how how do you how would you ex uh how would you explain it?

JJ 22:55

Well, first let me say I have two courses on astrology, and one of them is included in the rewire program that I do. And I'll tell you that I've had men in the course and people that are like, I don't know about the astrology, and then we go through it and they're like, oh, that was the biggest shift ever, because we don't just work on them. When we do it together in the group with the course, I tell people to make sure they get everyone's chart their mother, their father, their siblings, their spouse, their children, their grandparents, anyone who is important to you. I want you to have their chart out while we're while you're watching the course and so we can discuss it so that you can start to understand and see. Because what happens is people misinterpret. Um, so for me, astrology is about understanding how and why someone acts the way they do, the why they, what they care about, what's important to them, why some people are need more structure and stability and some people need more freedom. When you understand those things, you stop judging them and then making it about you because you can see them as a whole person with their own different set of needs and you understand it versus when you don't understand it, you think everyone thinks like you. You think everyone acts like you, you think everyone feels the same way about everything you do, and that couldn't be further from the truth.

Rose 24:02

And even if you are an Aquarian or a Pisces and your friends at Pisces, you're totally different because all your planets are different.

JJ 24:08

Right, right, right. Yes, there are a lot of planets to there's, and again, it's not all, it's not that even if I had someone, I did have a therapist, a massage therapist once. Uh, I love Sandra, I wish she lived here. And I walked in, I remember having a session with her. And the very first session I had with her, there was a certain resonance and trust that I had with her. And literally, I'm like, why do I trust you? I was like, I I've never worked with you. Although I've seen you here, but I've never talked with you, I've never worked with you. Why do I trust you so much? I literally did her chart, and we had the same chart except one planet. I was like, okay, because you're literally you're an energetic carbon copy of me. That's why you resonate.

Rose 24:43

Wow, wow, wow. Yeah, I love that. So you have uh you talk a lot about manifestation. So you work with people on manifesting the life that they want, because you say that you create your life, right? And we're talking about everything, and you basically do create your life and are able to, I don't want to say fix it, but you have core wounds and you can heal yourself. But yeah, let's talk about the manifestation that you know people can create the life of their dreams and how to overcome obstacles to that, because there are obstacles, people put themselves in front of themselves.

JJ 25:16

Right. Well, again, it still is very core wound-oriented. You know, it's right, it's law of attraction. If you don't understand the complexity of it and you just think it's a simple say affirmations and create a

Manifestation Meets Deservingness Limits

JJ 25:27

vision board, then you don't understand that your temperature gauge, you have a temperature gauge. And it basically says this is as much love, success, and abundance as I think I deserve. Again, this is subconscious. You don't know what it is, but be based on your wounds, based on the modeling that you had from your parents, based on the environment that you grew up in, there's a subconscious belief about what you deserve. And while you can still manifest within that, once you want something outside of that comfort zone, that's when even if you're good at manifesting it, you're probably going to sabotage it. It's why most people who win the lottery don't keep it because they didn't feel like they earned it and they don't feel like they deserve it because they didn't grow themselves into someone who could hold it. They got they grew themselves into someone who could win it. And then as soon as they won it, all the guilt happened. And the and the second guessing and the I can't, I'm not good enough to this isn't this isn't right. I I shouldn't have this, or, or, or if you're really bad with money and you spent too much of it or whatever and you didn't save any of it. Yeah, right. There's all of that. Right. But we sabotage because we don't believe we deserve more. So again, this is where the two kind of intersect. And I'm hoping that my next book will, whoever I work with, will allow me to put them together because I think it's important to understand that the reason why you do the core wound work is so you can allow more. You can manifest more beyond what your comfort zone is, but you're not going to get there without extending your comfort zone first. How do you do that? Well, you got to accept yourself differently. You have to rewire some of these behaviors and patterns that say I don't deserve anything more than this. Well, we won't know what it is until you like understand what why you sabotage. So there are four beliefs. I'll go over the four beliefs that are in Gay Hendrix's big leap book. He boils everything down to that we have four beliefs that stop us from allowing in more. And one is that um we're fundamentally flawed. Two is that there's a crime of outshining. Like I can't earn more because my parents ever earned more. Um there's abandonment and disloyal. Um, like someone, if you grow more than your family, that they'll abandon you. Okay, that's a third one. And what's the fourth one? Hold on. Loyalty and disabandment, crime of outshining. Oh, that success brings a bigger burden. I can't, I can't, if I have more, then I I'm gonna work too much harder, I'm gonna be more tired, I'm not gonna be able to handle it.

Rose 27:53

Yeah, I see that. I I I have that one because I have so many things I want to do, but then it something stops me. And I know that I I I I've come to believe that that's what it is. It's that success factor, it's that fear of success almost, right?

JJ 28:14

Yeah, yeah. And most of us have uh several of them. I will tell you, I've never met anyone that doesn't have um fundamentally flawed, like when you actually take a look at that. And I always do that work after the core wound work, so I have everyone's data. And if someone doesn't identify with feeling fundamentally, because that's a self-worth issue, and everybody on some level can say there are times where I don't feel worthy. Now, there are times where you do. Maybe there are situations you're completely confident in, but there are always situations that we're not confident in, even when we're, you know, it doesn't translate from one situation to the other. It might be like in love or in relationships, but maybe in money or in delegating or in lead being a leader or public speaking or whatever. So that's normal. Totally. Well, we all that's the that's that's the human experience. Like we all come in and we're all gonna get wounded. And that's what we spend our lives either working with or against.

Rose 29:03

Is that what keeps women from kind of advancing and moving forward? There's a lot of, I mean, over the years, women have made advancements in corporate work and and all that, but women transitioning from let's say that type of job or empty nesting, a lot of my audience are people who are in that kind of transition phase. What stops them from doing something that maybe they've wanted to do all their life? And you know, like do you work with people that like you know who are like, I'm ready to do something else, but I just don't know what that is? Like, how do how do you help them become how do they identify first that they're stuck? What is keeping them stuck stuck? And what can how can they identify what it is they want to do? That's the hard question for them.

JJ 29:50

Uh well, I I mean again, the it's part of what the the transition and being in the rewire looks like. You start with feelings and needs. How do I problem solve my emotions? How do I make sure that each situation I understand what my needs are and start to learn how to get my needs met? That's where we start. Then we're moving to the core wound stuff to identify what your top three core wounds are on your whole map. Because in the map, what it's going to show you is that if you have a core wound of abandonment, then you clearly also self-abandoned. So then I usually ask people, so if any of you out listening or watching, and you know that you have an abandonment wound, so here's a first level of healing for you. Put the mirror in front and say, how, what are three ways I self-abandon? And most people, women especially, give to too much to other people, put other

Women’s Self Worth And Zone Of Genius

JJ 30:36

people in front of them. Um, my programs are investments, and I have one that's starting in like soon, February 1st, called Date Your Body. And it's amazing how I've had a lot of applicants, and some of those applicants have never written back to me. They've literally come to apply. I write an email to them. Now there's a chance some of them are in spam, but then I had my assistant write an email from a different email address, you know, and because they like because they they seize up and they go, Oh no, I can't invest in myself. Oh no, that's too much, that's too hard. I don't, I don't deserve it. Even like a woman is a caretaker, she's like, oh, and she definitely needs it, but she is unwilling to invest in herself because her investment herself is only worth so much, right? And my program is way too much of an investment in herself. And I've been seeing this trend. I recorded a podcast last week called um the cost of putting yourself, always putting yourself worth.

Rose 31:27

Yeah, I was listening to that. Yes. That was a great, great episode.

JJ 31:30

Thank you. Well, because it's this idea that, well, what are you worth? Do you really have a price tag? And what and would you spend that money somewhere else on something else or on someone else? You'd probably do it for your children, you'd probably do it for your parents, you'd probably do it for someone that you loved, but you won't do it for yourself. Why? Because we don't think we deserve it. That is the root of deservability. So, in terms of, you know, so after you take the core wound map and you see the patterns, now we can start to identify how you keep those core wounds alive, which is what sabotages you doing anything moving forward. Then we move on to the Gay Hendricks work and we do the zone of genius and we look at the limiting beliefs I just mentioned, those four. And then what is your zone of genius? And we identify what your zone of genius is. So that way, if you want to do something, we can decide what you're gonna do, like what lights you up? What have you, what has your life experience caused you to be really, really good at that you take for granted because it comes so easy to you, yet it doesn't come easy to others. But most women will say, Oh, if it's not hard, it's not worth it. Oh, no, no, this is you can do this. Well, no, they can't. It's it's really it's honoring and acknowledging and then asking for compensation, asking for energetic, you know, giving me something back for something I'm doing for you that is my zone of genius that will help you change your life. You know, I have no, I my the program has gone up every year, and and it's interesting how I'll have way like in the podcasting world, you know, I go back and forth on some of my pricing for helping podcasters, but when it comes to like the work I'm doing now, because I've been doing it for so long and I see the changes, it happened, it happens for like families. I'll have one person do a program and it affects her entire family. All right, well, I've just affected an entire family. Was it worth it? Yeah. Could I have charged her more? Yeah, because I know how it changes lives, but I had to get there. I didn't start there. I had to get there over time. So I had to, you know, increase the price and then pray that someone was going to buy it. Or I had to increase the price and say, you know what, I'm not doing it for less, even if it means I have half the people in the group. Because the time, energy, the hand holding, the intention, and the results. It's like I'm I'm also just I'm promoting results.

Rose 33:38

But but like you said, people are stopping themselves before they even start because they're saying they're not they're not worthy of taking and of paying themselves of investing in themselves by taking your course. Yep. You know, it's not you, it's just that and and it's true that happens a lot. Women put themselves last. Yep. And and and how can they move forward if they're like they don't feel that they can, that they don't value what they're doing. No, I I totally agree. I I put that in my book too. There's a whole section on valuing yourself. And I've had over everything you said, I've had to work with you know all these core wounds you mentioned, I've had to deal with it. And it's not sometimes it's not just the work continues. There'll be triggers that come up, you know, something will come up, and but now I'm like, oh, I recognize that and I know what that is, and I move on. So it's not like you forget it, it's there'll always be those that uh remind you of uh of the overcoming and healing. Um I love this. This is an amazing conversation. Uh what are things that you're working on other than everything? So you got a lot of programs. Tell us you've told us about your you have your manifestation, your 14-day manifestation. You're still doing that?

JJ 34:45

That's a free yet. That actually just ended like a couple days ago. The next one will probably be in April. I think I decided this morning that the next one will be in April.

Rose 34:52

Okay.

JJ 34:53

But you can go to judgefulzanes.com forward slash 14 day, and I run them a couple times a year. So whenever this podcast airs, there'll always be another one like coming up in the next couple of months. So that's free and it's 14 days.

Rose 35:05

Great. And you have not one, but several podcasts.

JJ 35:10

I do, and I'm gonna be adding six

Programs Updates And Empress Closing

JJ 35:13

more uh after PodFest. Although five of them, five of them will be short form, so they'll just be like 10 episodes or less for a very specific, you know, question or focal point. So, but those will be really easy. I'm really looking forward to going through my content and figuring that out. And then the the new one, which will be three times a week, will be core wound map.

Rose 35:32

Yeah.

JJ 35:32

And solo show only, solo show only for about six months, three times a week.

Rose 35:37

Uh, any anything else you want to share with the audience that maybe we haven't discussed? That's something that is something you want to um close with and talk about?

JJ 35:50

Uh well, in the areas of like other programs and things that are coming up, I know that this will be published after the Date Your Body program starts, and it's only once a year. Uh so for next year, Date Your Body, it's a three-month program. But what's coming up also this year is my healing the mother wound. So that is a three-month program, which starts with a five-day in-person retreat in OHI, California. Healing the mother wound, I did it for the first time last year. It was so good. Uh, and it was so good for me because when I would hold masterminds and things here, I and I cooked almost every meal except one, I would be exhausted by the end and it would be, I would be a little bit depleted because it was a little bit out of balance. But I like I expected once they left that I was gonna feel like, okay, I'm gonna be really depleted. And I felt rejuvenated. I was like, this is so interesting because we dealt with mother energy the whole time, feminine energy, and it was replenishing. I was like, oh my God, because I'm in masculine when I'm doing a lot of my work, but this was a channeling of a feminine energy. It was a balance because I had to still keep like run the thing and participate. But but it was amazing to feel so good after five days of deep work and cooking all the meals and holding it all together because of the feminine energy. Anyway, it was just great. So I'm looking forward to that. And I don't know, it's not scheduled yet. It's probably gonna be end of May or June-ish. Well, it'll definitely be in the summer, May or June, is uh healing the mother wound. And again, it's a small group of mostly women. I didn't have any men last year. I don't, I think I probably in the future will do a men-only group. So I'd probably keep it just women only to start. And then anything else coming up? I do a live event in October in Redondo Beach, California. I don't know when it's gonna be, I don't know what it's gonna be on, although I have some ideas. So, but it will unfold because I always wait until the the clients that I'm working with during the year help me to cultivate what the right thing is. What do they all need? What does everybody in this group need? And that's what I do. And then I invite everybody else in the community to join us.

Rose 37:48

Great. So people need to follow you. Your website, right? JJ uh JJ Philzanisflazanes.com, your podcast, and you are on social media. Everything will go in the show notes. This has been amazing. Our conversation is was very electric, electric, I felt that so much, so powerful, so many great messages. Thank you for the work that you're doing to help people overcome their core wounds and manifest the life that they want. So thank you for being here.

JJ 38:16

Thanks, Rose. Thanks for having me.

Rose 38:18

Before we wrap up, let's take a moment on the Empress throne, a space to reflect, reconnect with your inner authority, and carry this conversation into your life. Where in your life are you being invited to reclaim your authority around timing or worth? And what might shift if you chose from trust rather than pressure? Thanks for being here. I'm Rose Whippitch. Have an amazing day. Ready for more? Subscribe to Channel for the Mat. Leave a review and share this episode with a friend who needs to hear it. Learn more about embodying your Empress energy and claiming your throne at RoseWhippitch.com.