Transform Your Love Life: Call in the One Process with Heather Garbutt Psychotherapist Heather Garbutt

Transform Your Love Life: The Calling in the One Process with Heather Garbett

Discover how to manifest true love and create deeply fulfilling relationships with world-renowned relationship coach and psychotherapist Heather Garbutt. In this powerful episode, Heather shares her personal journey from spending Valentine's Day alone to finding her soulmate using the transformative "Calling in the One" process. Learn the step-by-step framework that's helping thousands worldwide break toxic patterns, uncover hidden blocks, and step into their authentic selves to attract lasting love. Whether you're single, dating, in a relationship, or navigating a breakup through conscious uncoupling, this episode offers practical wisdom for creating the love life you truly deserve.

In This Episode:

• The Calling in the One Process: Setting heart-centered intentions, identifying relationship patterns, and uncovering hidden blocks from family agreements and past trauma
• Breaking Toxic Patterns: Understanding emotional availability, choosing the right partners, and avoiding relationships that dim your light
• Identity Transformation: How relationship work impacts all areas of life including career, self-image, and personal growth
• Heather's Success Story: From lonely Valentine's Day 2016 to manifesting her true love in just months
• Conscious Uncoupling: Separating with dignity and grace while protecting children and avoiding costly legal battles
• Empowerment Tools: Learning to speak your truth, handle disappointments, and stay true to yourself in relationships

About Heather Garbett

Heather Garbutt is a world-renowned psychotherapist and relationship coach with over 40 years of experience specializing in love and relationships. She combines coaching, psychotherapy, visioning, and inner child work to provide deep and permanent transformation for her clients. Heather is on a mission to empower 10 million people worldwide to create true, loving, mutually supportive relationships.

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Produced by Rose Wippich | Chat Off The Mat Podcast

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction to Chat Off the Mat
• 1:28 Meeting Heather Garbett, Relationship Expert
• 3:19 Calling In The One: Personal Success Story
• 9:16 The Powerful 5-Step Process Explained
• 18:09 Healing Past Relationship Patterns
• 25:10 Conscious Uncoupling: Separating with Dignity
• 33:05 Closing Invocation and Episode Wrap

Transcript

Rose: 0:01

Ready to unlock your most vibrant, authentic self? Welcome to Chat Off The Mat where holistic wellness meets practical wisdom and extraordinary transformation. I'm your host, Rose Wippich. I'm a Qigong instructor, yoga teacher and a Reiki Master, so get ready for inspiring conversations with wellness experts who understand your unique journey, plus practical tools for energy healing, life transitions and conscious and soulful living. Your journey to radiant wellness starts now. Let's create magic together.

Rose: 0:39

A world-renowned psychotherapist and coach specializing in love and relationships, Heather Garbutt, brings swift and effective change to people struggling in their romantic life. Her hybrid model blended coaching, psychotherapy, visioning and inner child work provides deep and permanent results for her clients. She shines a light on the challenges and solutions to healthy relating how to heal past hurts and gives powerful tools to transform unhelpful thoughts, emotions and behaviors to create a richer and happier love life. Heather is on a mission and has created an evolutionary wave of change and love relationships worldwide, with the goal of empowering 10 million people to create true, loving, mutually supportive relationships. Welcome, heather. I'm so happy that you're here. Thank you so much. It's lovely to be with you, thank you.

Heather: 1:28

so tell us about heather I'm a love and relationship coach. I was a psychotherapist for 40 odd years and I live in newbury with my true love, who I called in using the calling in the one process. I love dogs and we have a dog between us who is called Joy. For years I had the mantra I'm going to be living in the light with Joy, and she was named Joy as a rescue dog and came to us named like that. So there we go.

Rose: 2:06

So you talked about calling in the one. Can you tell us about that? That's part of your offerings and what you share with others who come to you for love and relationship guidance.

Heather: 2:19

Yes, it's my favorite favorite program.

Rose: 2:23

I'm curling up my toes and doing this as I'm talking about it, and I know the story on how you manifested your love, so I hope you share that as well. Shall we start with that? Absolutely, let's do that.

Heather: 2:35

Well, so I was divorced finally in 2013, having left my husband in 2007. 2013, having left my husband in 2007, and had a number of unsatisfying relationships in between, I was really doing the trial and error dating process and there were more trials and errors than you could possibly imagine. Didn't work for me at all. And on Valentine's Day, 2016, I woke up and I was really cross, really frustrated and feeling lonely. It was cold outside and I felt cold inside, really frustrated, and I vowed to myself that I would never wake up alone on a Valentine's Day again. I would always wake up with my true love. And by the next year that had happened. And it happened because there was an email dropped on my inbox that morning which said do you want to create a miracle in your love life?

Rose: 3:48

Wow, is that not a good lead in that is so powerful? Yes, it is. How can you say no to that?

Heather: 3:56

Absolutely. Oh, it was a massive yes. I had to work out how to spend internationally to sign up for it, but I did really immediately and I did the Calling in the Warm online course. I met Ian while I was doing that. We really got together by the July, so I think it started in the March. We were really properly together by the July and the rest is history.

Rose: 4:24

Wow, that's wonderful. I love that. So then you now, since the calling in the one was so successful for you, I'm sure you were like well, I have to share this with everyone else. So how did that come about, how did your, how did this work come about for you?

Heather: 4:43

I did. When I did the coaching for myself, I could see how fast, deep and effective it was and I just wanted to train in it myself. So I did that unconscious uncoupling, because sometimes we've got stuff from previous relationships either that are just closing or closed a long time ago and have left us vulnerable, or closed a long time ago and have left us vulnerable. But my real joy is calling in the one because we go so fast, so deep in such a holding way. It's the most loving program I've ever come across and I stopped doing psychotherapy because this works so much better. It's a sort of future-focused psychotherapy.

Rose: 5:27

So now you have me and everyone else curious how does that work?

Heather: 5:32

Well, initially, I mean, I'd never heard of an intention in my life. So first of all, you set an intention for what you really really want. And it's not just I want a man who's five foot 10 with dark hair and blue eyes. You know, that's the shopping list kind of intention. We go much deeper in before that is a sealed thing. So we look at your values, what's important to you, and I help tease all of that out.

Heather: 6:03

If somebody says to you, what are your values, you think, well, I don't know really. You know people will say that to me, but I say, well, what would be the qualities of relationship you would want? And they'll come up with things like trust, respect, love, affection, passion, sincerity, warmth, commitment, consistency, all of those kind of things. So when we set an intention, I've usually put a date on it, but the universe has its own good time. But a date sort of helps you focus. So it might be something like it's December 2027, and I have grown to be my full and rich self. There's nothing in the way I am being me and he or she is being him are together in the most loving, trusting, committed, lasting, warm, passionate relationship. We are the loves of each other's lives and everything in our life flows in an easy, relaxed and healthy way, and I am so grateful, thank you. You can feel the magnitude oh, absolutely it's a strong intention yeah, it is.

Heather: 7:35

It's a heart and soul intention. It's not like a work goal. You know I'll get a pay rise by the end of the year. You know, know, it's like really strong.

Rose: 7:45

Yeah, you feel it in your soul.

Heather: 7:50

Yeah, you do, you do, and when I do it with people, you can see we craft it together and then I write it all down and then I read it back to them, like I've just said to you, and you can see, and they can feel the sort of whoomph of that you know really strong in their body, which is what you need. Things should be embodied, right?

Heather: 8:17

So then what happens is we look at the patterns you've had in relationships there you go, they're bound to come up, you know, and if they don't come up in the coaching, they'll come up in who you meet. So you may as well learn it in the coaching, because you don't want to have to go through three months here and six months there of trial and error dating before you really find out who your true person is. It can be choosing people who are unavailable. That's the most common pattern and that can mean live so far away it's never going to be a goer or you have more of a relationship with your car or an airport than you do with them.

Heather: 8:57

It can be that they're involved with somebody else that they're never going to leave. It can be that they are not emotionally available. They're not emotionally intelligent or aware or willing to go there, to grow, to be there. But it can be simply that they're not ready. They may be your perfect person and I've seen this happen a number of times. People really find their perfect person, except they forgot to put in ready. If you're looking for somebody to have a relationship with, you want them to be ready, willing and able to do so. That can be physical space, mental space, emotional space. They need to be on a level with you, at least I see.

Rose: 9:43

Okay, the other person being ready, gotcha, okay, yeah, well, that's true too, right, not everybody's going to be ready.

Heather: 9:49

There has to be this like synchronicity yeah. Yeah, and when it works, it's absolutely amazing. I had a hell of a week just before Christmas. Two separate people that I've been working with got engaged and another one got married and engaged within the same week. Oh wow, they'd been going to get married forever. And so he said I probably think I ought to ask you. And she said well, yeah, that would be nice. Will you marry me? Yes, when should we do it? Next week? Should we get engaged?

Rose: 10:24

Yes, why waste time?

Heather: 10:28

Yes, exactly. So they did it really quickly. Oh, wow, I was floating so joyful. So what else comes up in the process? I might go on a bit here. Is that okay? Absolutely yes, please, okay.

Heather: 10:41

So the second step is to look at what your life is like now, how you're thinking, feeling and behaving that in any way dims you down or limits you. We're looking at all of the cross currents to your intention that are in your life. So that can be something like I don't know, you've got an old agreement with an old lover that you will never love anybody but them, or we'll come back when we're 60. That was Catherine's originally. Catherine devised the program. That was her original one. We'll come back when we're 60, when we've done our lives. So it meant that everything in between was a bit sort of not really quite there because heart and soul had said something else 30 years ago. So we look for those. We look at sort of family old agreements. It could be like I'll never have somebody unless my sister does, I'll never have more than my brother and if happy relationship life is more than somebody else, no, can't do that. There's all sorts of different promises we make I'll never leave my mother, I'll never leave my father.

Rose: 11:58

Those are big ones.

Heather: 11:59

Yeah, they are. They're huge, yeah, yeah, or even I'll never leave my hometown.

Rose: 12:06

If you live in a hometown of 500 people, you're limiting your pool I'd say so, yes, absolutely, wow, and so so these are all uncovered in this, this discovery phase of what someone, someone's potential to find somebody.

Heather: 12:26

Yes, that's the first piece. There's toxic ties and resentments. We also address those. If you've got resentments for anything, it generally means because you haven't been saying something truthful, you've been holding back on saying something and maybe it's not safe. You know and you can choose whether you speak about it. But also you choose if you're going to continue to invest in any relationship which creates resentment in you. So if you're being bullied at work and you're in a powerless position, you might choose to go and get another job where the culture is, rather than say something to your boss, who may then bully you further. It's the broader bits of life. Um, the toxic ties are the draining relationships in your life, situations or relationships. So it'll be the person that always sort of makes you feel guilty if you don't look after them, or the one who shits you or undermines you when you're being successful, the envious, jealous people.

Rose: 13:39

you know, yeah, right, and you want to be looking for people in your life that are warm like radiators yes, I think toxic relationships are probably experienced by many people and they may not even realize it when they're in it. I think that's the sad part it is.

Heather: 13:57

It's very sad. Um, one of my podcasts addresses that how to know if you're in a toxic relationship. There's lots about gaslighting and love bombing and all of that for romantic relationships, but there is also that application to any kind of relationship.

Rose: 14:14

Yeah, and you talk about dimming your light and what limits you. A lot of these relationships do just that. Yeah, they do, and it could be relationships also with other people that you. It's not just romantic, but when you teach someone these tools, they can apply them to any parts of their lives. Like you said, job or social, or friends that may not be supporting you as you are trying to find your one true love and they're also holding you back. So you have them. You want to please, and also yourself, so you have a pool of these people who are in your way they are, they they take away from that direct, intentional current, sure, pulling you off your path.

Heather: 14:56

Um, so the the third step is going deeper in and it's looking at where, all of the ways that you dim your light or give way to others, or don't put yourself first, or don't champion yourself, as you might another person we look at all of those ways and where they come from, where your original trauma was emotional trauma so these are all the steps involved in calling in the one no, that's up to step three.

Heather: 15:27

Okay, sorry, but that's getting to the roots of things. And then we really turn our light towards the future and really go deep into what you want, the new skills that you might want in order to be the full you that you want to bring to a relationship. So we look at and it's a deep meditative process what you might want to contribute to our true love, what you might want to receive, what you care about together, what you're creating together and what your values are, how you are in the world. Really deepen into all of that so that, in the true vision of who you are in, that relationship is who you start to be, without so much of the cross currents from the past, you can start to live into your full stature. We start to walk the talk of the theory we've been looking at and there's a lot of support in that, because that's quite a quite a big change, because you're stepping out of an identity of who you thought you were up until this point, you're embodying some somebody new yeah, you are.

Heather: 16:43

It's very powerful because the traumas can happen not just in babyhood, it can happen in school. You know, if you get a fierce teacher who makes you dim your light, or other kids don't like you for some reason, I don't know, you've got dark hair in the wrong blonde class, you know it doesn't matter. I mean, race comes into this and culture comes into it, all sorts of things and and the other thing just as an aside. But really important is where people have had to leave a country that was their original homeland or their parents have. There's a fundamental disconnect that's happened on an emotional level. It's sort of leaving your mother and father land and leaving your mother and father tongue, and that has a sort of almost pre-birth trauma that comes through with you. So all of those things can affect you up to that point. So they're big. Calling in the one sounds a frivolous title. It's one of the most meaningful pieces of work I ever do with anybody.

Rose: 17:50

It's profound wow, and it's you're not calling. Now that I hear the name again from you and listening so far of all the steps, it's not calling in the person, it's, it's calling in yourself yeah, that's the first bit, that's the core bit.

Heather: 18:08

Quite often when I'm working with people, they'll have a break and say, hang on a minute, I need to move house and I'm going to get that job, and they'll start doing different things. They'll start to live better. So we'll have a pause in the the sort of focus on dating and really support them to grow into themselves. They'll get a different image. They'll have the head, you know. All sorts of things happen.

Rose: 18:32

Wow, that's amazing. I love that transformation, right yeah.

Heather: 18:36

Yeah, they even walk differently, of course.

Rose: 18:39

I mean, you just feel better about yourself and your body changes, you know, and the message that you're feeling innately and in your soul changes. I love this. This is amazing work.

Heather: 18:50

Wow, I want to hear more you're radiant, you just exude attraction and different qualities of people will be attracted to you and different opportunities arise. Sometimes obstacles arise too, because it this, this step, you know it brings up everything. This step in your life, this whole program brings up everything you need to deal with to really be fully you. So things will. I mean maybe your relationship with money will start to change. I love it. I love it. People start businesses. You know all sorts of things happen yeah, that's that's.

Rose: 19:36

Do you work? I know you're going to talk more about it, but do you work with various age groups? Yeah, yeah.

Heather: 19:43

I could see this yeah yeah, um, I think the youngest person I've worked with was 18 19. Yes, I think, um, this is a way of not actually learning through experience. You can learn through doing this work, so you don't have to have five years in one relationship or five months in one relationship.

Rose: 20:03

Of the wrong relationship.

Heather: 20:05

Yeah, and go through all the emotional turmoil of attachment and all of that.

Rose: 20:09

Right, right, right. Well, I wish you were around years ago, but you're here now and you're helping a lot of people, so this is amazing work. Thank you, it is. I love it. I love it.

Heather: 20:19

So the last two steps are about learning the new skills, learning new ways of being and letting go, really focusing on what do I need to let go of? We refresh everything. So you look and looking around, you look at your environment, you get rid of old love letters and you know old wedding rings.

Rose: 20:40

Yes, all the things that hold on to that energy, that past, that I still do, that I come across things from relationships I'm like okay, it's got to go.

Heather: 20:49

Yep, yeah, yeah, I agree, I agree. And then we look at if there are disappointments along the way. How are you going to handle them? Because the old identity, when tripped up in a disappointment in love, will go back to one of the core beliefs that you might have I'm not good enough, I'm not important, I don't belong. It happens for other people, not for me.

Rose: 21:16

Nobody loves me.

Heather: 21:17

Yeah which is essentially yeah, a disempowered place, a victim stance. While you're in that, you're powerless. So, okay, you may fall into that. You'd be superhuman if you didn't. So you fall into that, but then you learn the way through it, which is to ask yourself more empowered questions and to tell yourself the truth about who you really are. So the truth is actually, I'm a very attractive, capable woman in the world. I've had some really good relationships. I have good people around me. This relationship wasn't a good fit. And I always say you know, if somebody ghosts you, thank them because they've just ruled themselves out, absolutely First level respect. No, thank you very much, thank you and good night. And if you're on the dating apps, block them because you don't want them coming back.

Rose: 22:14

And if you're on the dating apps, block them because you don't want them coming back. They've burned their boats. Yeah, because they do come back. That's the pattern. Yeah, yeah, going through these steps. This is great, this is a great framework.

Heather: 22:28

Yes, it's written as a book so you can do it yourself as a workbook, and that's great. Do it with friends, you know, with a like-minded friends that are committed to you. You need people of like mind and similar intention. But I think, if you're shifting identity, if you want to make some deep and lasting change, when I would say this, but it is true, I think you need some holding and you need somebody who's a few more steps ahead of you. On the trip over a stone, they'll say that's just the stone, it's not a big rock face you've got to climb.

Rose: 23:02

You know, it's all familiar ground and this would, and this would be you you're referring to yeah, of course, of course yeah, I mean someone with expertise and knows the next steps and what to do, what to say and if things come up, that which things come up, that you know how to handle that Right.

Rose: 23:25

Yeah, it's a safe environment and yeah, yeah, and you have so many, so many years of being a psychotherapist so many years of being a psychotherapist you also understand just the whole process in general. It's not like you just kind of pull this out of thin air. You have years of experience on how to deal with different situations. This is nothing new for you.

Heather: 23:47

Yeah, of course it's true, I do, and there are lots of people just setting themselves up as dating coaches without any training or experience. You can do a sort of weekend course and call yourself a love coach. You don't even have to do that. The calling in the one training was six months long and it took about half a week every week to do all the work involved in it. That's a commitment, it's deep gravitas.

Rose: 24:17

Yeah, and also you love it. I could tell that it's, it's very rewarding for you because you're helping people find their, their love right. At least. It could be the love that they're going to have the rest of their life, or the love that they're going to have for a while, it's whatever whatever it is supposed to be for them.

Heather: 24:42

Yeah, absolutely, and if there's a one for a while, then there's something learning to be done there. Sure, and I don't. Once they're in a relationship, I don't just abandon them. No, I will continue supporting people for however long it takes yeah, you know a relationship is defined differently by everybody.

Rose: 25:00

You know we see romantic relationships and all this stuff, but then there's the relationships that are really close, but you know they're different. The dynamics in all relationships are very different. It's just knowing what you want and also the tools that you're teaching people, as they're in these relationships. They can continue to use these tools right to help I don't want to say define their relationship, but to help um, explore relationships. Yeah, yeah, keep keep evolving it. Yeah, keep evolving it, yeah.

Heather: 25:34

Yeah, because there will be things that come up. There will always be things. Whether it's the washing up you know how people stack the dishwasher there will always be those little trigger points of difference. Even if you're the most harmonious, well-matched couple, there will always be something to stub your toe on. So you learn how to manage those. You learn how to manage those. You learn how to manage conflict. Yeah, you learn how to deepen and create trust and commitment together yeah, yeah, and to speak your voice when things come up.

Rose: 26:07

Yeah, not dim your light. I think that's important because I think women have a tendency of doing that. Women, I have a harder time really expressing what they want in anything, or at least maybe not women today, but I know a lot of women who have Even women today, as emancipated and empowered as we are, still will find it hard at times not to fall into the traditional role of being accommodating.

Heather: 26:36

We're the natural empaths of the world. We're the oil in the machine to mix my metaphors. So it's so easy for us just to run around all the moving parts of masculinity. That's a bit dodgy, but you know what I mean. Yeah, of course, and it's still a work in progress for us all to keep on empowering ourselves and sharing with our friends. So we know what it is we want to say Staying true to ourselves.

Rose: 27:08

Yeah, we can finish talking about calling in the one, but I do want to make sure we do talk about conscious uncoupling as well, because I think that this is also a topic that's very important.

Heather: 27:20

So I do work as well, using conscious uncoupling, and I help people separate from relationships that are on their course. It's not necessarily that they're toxic, it's just that they've worn out. They've worn out, they may have fallen out of love. They may have started to want to live. Sometimes people who met very young suddenly realize at the age of 35, 40, there's a whole other unlived life that they didn't do in their teens and want to do again.

Rose: 27:50

And that can be either gender, yeah, and everybody in between, yeah so this process of conscious uncoupling, it's just a whole nother process of identifying whether or why you want to uncouple. Can you talk a little bit more about that? Yes, I can. So yes, we'll explore why you want to uncouple.

Heather: 28:14

Can you talk a little bit more about that? Yes, I can. So, yes, we'll explore why you want to uncouple, what you really want. So if you want to end up having a cooperative relationship with your ex because you've got children or business or something, we'll aim towards that. The process is generally working with one person, because there's generally one person who is more geared towards evolving themselves and growing and that's quite often why people stop their relationships because somebody isn't in a growth mindset and somebody is. So we'll look at what went wrong, what were the turning points, how you may have behaved that dimmed your light.

Heather: 28:59

It's almost like the step two of calling in. The one is on steroids all the way through conscious uncoupling and again, you know we'll, we'll look at the roots. So you do that core piece of work and then there's a piece for clearing the air. If it's safe to talk to your ex-partner, there'll be a space for having a proper ceremony of separation and clear honesty about what's gone on and creating an intention for what the two of you want for the future. And the last piece is okay.

Heather: 29:40

And what do you want independently for your future? What sort of love relationship do you want in the future. What more do you want in your life from having come back to you and grown into that glowing part of you? It's really dealing with all the unfinished business from the relationship and from your heritage and growing up and using the breakup to really allow you to grow and create something good with them, or to create a really clean separation with them so everybody knows where they stand.

Heather: 30:17

And it really aims for you not to spend a lot of money on lawyers because you will be fighting it out from that unresolved part of yourself. So when we have a breakup, we're three years old all over again. You don't want to be arguing from that place. It just racks you up huge bills, alienates you from your soon to be ex-partner and gets the kids caught in the crossfire. So we don't want you spending all your money that you're going to need to create your future life. Nor do we want you harming your emotional life of your kids by them getting caught in the middle.

Rose: 30:54

Hmm, wow, it's almost as if everybody should go through this process before they even go down the lawyer and divorce path. Because, you're right, I mean, it's so emotional, it's raw, there's a lot of inner child that comes out wounds. It's a battle. Yes, that comes out wounds, it's a battle. You're going into it with a battle and you're not healing through the process.

Heather: 31:22

Yeah, exactly that. And it could continue for years and create a legacy for your children. And the other thing is the legal system is set up for it to be a battle. They make their money from it being a battle. They've got a vested interest in it being a battle. They've got a vested interest in it being a battle.

Rose: 31:38

Yeah yeah, it is very sad. I know people who are going through that and it's it's terrible, it's just um unfortunate for everyone involved. Wow, this has been uh amazing. The work that you're doing is truly amazing and very eye-opening for me, I mean. I think this is something that everyone needs to consider, as far as just knowing more about themselves, calling in the one to help identify what their values are and what they're looking for in life in general. Right, because, yeah, we can all benefit from this. Is there anything else that you wanted to add, heather?

Heather: 32:20

before we wrap things up, I'm just going to do a little invocation, if you don't mind Not at all. So I use the word universe. I hope other people don't mind that. Dearest universe, it is my heartfelt wish that anybody hearing our recording finds the true, deep, respectful, committed love that they want, or separates well with dignity and calm respect, or separates well with dignity and calm respect. And I ask this for the good of all concerned, and I'm most especially grateful for Rose for inviting me here today and allowing me to spread the word of this amazing work. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you.

Rose: 33:18

That was lovely. You're very, very welcome. Thank you for joining me on Chat Off The Mat. If you're ready to transform your energy and step into your fullest potential, I'd love to work with you. As an energy alchemist, I help women release blocked energy and reclaim their vibrant essence. Visit rosewipichcom to explore working together and discover free resources for your journey. Love today's episode. Subscribe wherever you get your podcasts, leave a rating and share your biggest takeaway with me on Instagram at Rose Wipich. Remember wellness warriors. Your energy is precious. Nurture it wisely.